I have never purchased a Father’s Day card...never had to! Once, I jokingly told my mother I was going to give her a Father’s Day card, as she served as both my mom and dad, but she asked me to buy her a Manhattan instead. She was a great ol’ broad! Jim Beam 1, Hallmark 0.
My father left the family before I could remember him ever being a part of it, so two capable women – my mother and grandmother raised me. There were only a few times while growing up that I felt an uncomfortable absence of a father in my daily life, yet I harbored no ill feelings toward that “missing person.”
That can of worms was opened on June 5th, 1987, the day I became the father of a beautiful baby boy, named Matthew, and when resentment and deep disappointment toward my father bubbled to the surface. How could anyone not want to be a part of something as special and important as caring for his child?
Feeling unprepared for fatherhood and seeking the wisdom I was certain I’d missed without a “man around the house,” I joined a men’s group called “Sons Without Fathers.” After my very first session the moderator took me aside and told me how lucky I was that my dad wasn’t around. The rest of the “father-less bunch” had had their sperm donors living in their homes with them, but were emotionally absent. They were there and yet not there, which I can imagine is even more hurtful. I left the group a couple sessions later feeling sympathy for the men, but not enough in common to stay. Plus, I came to realize it’s not about the proximity, but rather input.
Father's Day, a holiday synonymous with grilling, is just around the corner. The image that comes to my mind is my dad having complete mastery over the grill with his grilling tools in hand. I'm sure this year there will be plenty of fathers wearing #1 Dad aprons standing by the grill ready to barbecue a number of different meats, hamburgers, and hot dogs. But how about taking over the reigns for dad this time around? Just tell him to relax and enjoy a beer while you grill up an impressive meal.
Some men BBQ ribs. Others grill hearty steaks or shrimp with an array of specialty South American hot sauces. My dad, however, does not. He holds myriad talents, but cooking is not one of them. Or, so I was led to believe.
We never really celebrated Father’s Day, perhaps, because, as the saying goes, every day was something akin to Father’s Day. My Dad was both a simple and extraordinary man who enjoyed a good meal, a great ball game, and being with his family. He was happiest when we were all home in our small upper west side apartment, doing whatever together.
