Stories

In college, I discovered falafels.  I happen to be a lover of most things fried (unfortunately for me) and eating a falafel with tons of veggies and avocado makes devouring them a bit more acceptable. I was reading one of my favorite books; Dave Lieberman’s  the 10 things you need to eat, and I found his falafel recipe made with quinoa.

Dave taught me a thing or two about quinoa. Most recipes that I have read or even made suggests a 2 to 1 ratio when making most grains. However, up until acquiring Dave’s book, I was no good at making quinoa and basically, gave up. He has changed all of that. His tip: use 1 1/4 cups water to 1 cup quinoa. Genius!

I like to make a big batch of quinoa and keep it in the fridge. It lasts for about a week and it is a good, healthy option to have on hand. Not only do I make these amazing falafel balls, but I also love to make quinoa cakes (similar to a veggie patty) and quinoa breakfast cereal.

Although predicted to be arriving in the two thousand tweens, the age of "Artificial Humor," or A.H., is too quickly upon us in these waning, whining days of 2009, and contemporary artists are feeling threatened by the competition.

“We never thought it would happen to us,” said Woody Allen, once  considered the Jews’ Jewel spewer of comic genius, now competing with an avatar of his early stand up persona which is WRITING NEW ALLENESQUE MATERIAL!  “Machines originating intelligence (A.I.) and music (A.M.) seem logical, but artificial comedians? Sure, plenty of funny looking Baby Boomer kids mimicked me in the old days, but now I’ve been completely cloned by some computer.  At least they waited til Dangerfield was dead…the lucky dog.”

The late Dangerfield’s avatar has been booked to perform for a week in Vegas via a Powerpoint presentation this Chanukah, and seats sold out mere moments after going on sale.  It’s also featured as a nude centerfold in this month’s “Wired” Magazine, which is watching the "Artificial Humor" movement closely.

What do you turn to when it seems like there's nothing to eat and the stack of leftovers in the fridge is way past its prime? I turn to eggs. It's a staple I always have in the fridge. It's great to have on hand for baking and of course for a fast healthy and nutritious breakfast. But eggs can also make a great meal in a pinch. The other day I had nothing to eat and all I could find were some vegetables I hadn't yet used and a carton of eggs. So supper became this simple frittata, an Italian-style omelette that's baked. Dinner doesn't need to be complicated when you have a frittata recipe in your back pocket.

With only a few easy steps, this egg-forward dish is very quick to put together. Some light sautéing is required, but beyond that it's just assemble and bake. Any vegetable at hand works well. I happened to have cremini mushrooms, zucchini, and cherry tomatoes. Fresh herbs are also very welcome in this dish. Parsley or basil work the best. And a frittata is not complete without a topping of cheese. A good melting cheese, like mozzarella, Swiss, or Parmesan adds an abundance of flavor. And for some ultimate decadence, add bits of crisped bacon or pancetta.

As usual, I'm the salmon swimming upstream as far as weight is concerned. While everyone is vehemently burning calories and lowering carb intake en route to shedding the weight they gained over the holidays, I'm nonchalantly trying to make up for what I lost. Last night, after that apple pie crumble, I lost 8 oz walking back to my car, just yesterday moments after inhaling a scrumptious dish of fettuccine alfredo I lost any calories consumed due to waving my arm to catch a cab, and a few days before that my digestive track tumbled through the french toast crème brûlée I had for brunch, losing a total pound.

These are all exaggerations of course, but I'm theorizing as to how I could have lost ten pounds in a week of little exercise and excess eating. Call it a fast metabolism or a tapeworm, to me fluctuating pounds is as typical as the average Joe getting indigestion after eating a porterhouse steak. A few bites from that same steak and I would spend the day indisposed, my insides deconstructing inside out, eventually leaving me more buoyant than before.