Holiday Goodies

I’m a California Jew. If one were to compare ethnicity in terms of packaging, we’d be ‘plain wrap’. Both my folks were Jewish, but Mom was an Atheist and Dad, well,  he grew up in the little town of Chloride Arizona and  Grandpa Harry was the Sheriff.  Once, when I was a kid, I brought a stray cat into the house. Dad hated cats. The center of his face turned purple with rage. “You git that ornery varmint outta here!”  Get the picture?

Then I met my salt of the earth, “Philly bro” husband who promised his father on his deathbed that he’d have his kids bar/bat mitzvah’d, what the fuck was I gonnna do?

I was recently roped I…I mean asked to participate in Canter’s Chanters Chanukah Extravaganza at my Temple. When it was first presented to me, I thought, ‘Great, our Canter is a cool guy and is probably open to doing some improv or something with the kids. That’s got to be why he’s asking me. This’ll be fun.”

But, no. He griped that the kids were positively incapable of doing improv and that was why he prevailed on my services as well as other Temple members who happened to be performers; to write and perform small vignettes that would be done eight times, as eight groups were led through the Temple. The motif was to be “You want to know what Chanukah is all about? I’ll tell you what Chanukah’s all about…”

Each group was to represent one aspect of the celebration. My friend Amy Simon, writer and performer of the wonderful show Cheerios in My Underpants, volunteered to create some sort of wrap-around to feature ‘latkes’.  She had the run of the Temple kitchen and would be making real latkes to give to the kids. Her idea was to create a Bubbie personae.

Dreidels were up for grabs so I decided to take a whack at it. I love games and this is a mindless game much like Yahtzee, only you win pennies or chocolate. 

May 5th is Cinco de Mayo, the day when Mexicans commemorate their victory over the French in the Battle at Puebla of 1862. In the Mexican town of Puebla, schoolchildren will study history, artists will sing and dance and chefs will cook traditional foods, all to honor their brave ancestors.

And in cities throughout America, Americans will get drunk. Somehow, this day of national pride for Mexicans has become another excuse for Americans to get sloshed. Think I'm exaggerating? According to Time magazine Cinco de Mayo is the 4th drunkest holiday of the year.

How about this year you get drunk on bacon guacamole instead?

If you think traditional guacamole is irresistible, then be prepared to get punch drunk in love with this porky version: Classic creamy guacamole is studded with nibs of salty, smoky, crisp bacon.

And in case you're wondering, yes, bacon guacamole does taste better if you eat it while wearing a sombrero and shaking some maracas.

"The holiday season would be unthinkable - and a bit unbearable - without plenty of goodies, both sweet and intoxicating. Hear are some of our favorite recipes, some classic, some simple, all sure to put you in the Christmas spirit."

Cashew Linzer Cookie Wreaths
Chocolate Souffle Cookies
Italian Pizzelle Cookies
Mexican Wedding Cookies
Mocha Kissy Cookies
Mocha Mint Biscotti
Valerie's Neapolitan Cookies
Pistachio Cranberry Biscotti
Rice Krispie Coconut Snowballs
Sugarplums

Buche de Noel with Chestnut Filling

Best Red Velvet Cupcakes
Double-Chocolate Peppermint Bark
Homemade Chocolate Truffles

Candy Cane Martini | Champagne Punch | Cranberry-Spiced Martini |
Eskimo Kiss | Happy Elf
Haute Holiday | Holiday Pomtini | Hot Buttered Rum | Matt's Winter Cocktail | Mulled Wine
The Silver Bell | Spiced Mulled Cider | White Christmas Cocktail