There are those who are intuitive cooks. They can just rustle up some
ingredients from their pantry and freezer and blithely come up with a
smashing meal with the effortless grace that leaves someone like me
scratching their head feeling like a pair of brown shoes in a world of
Tuxedos.
Sure, I can follow a recipe and that can fool some people into thinking I’m a good cook, but the thing that separates the gifted from the wannabes is baking. One time I endeavored to create a fat-free, whole grain bar that my friend Marcia Strassman christened ‘tree bark’ after taking one bite.
My cupcakes have come out of the oven with all the promise of a Sprinkles alternative only to cool to the dry sludgy consistency of play dough mixed with sawdust. I don’t get it. I did everything right. What’s the secret?
I could live with these set backs, if it weren’t for the fact that what I’d really like to master is a stinkin’ Piecrust and I can’t even get that right! My Aunt Lovey, whose stuffing recipe is in the archives, also made a sensational Piecrust. Often I considered Piecrust a necessary evil to get to the reward of the sugared fruit interior, but not her crusts. They had a crisp, savory texture of, well, I can’t think of anything to compare them to really. I just know that I loved nothing more than to break off the edges of them and crunch on them and combine their savory flavors in my mouth along with the sweet fruit of the pie.
Recently my friend Alice, who is a very fine cook, e-mailed me the following:
The flame war between charcoal grill purists and gas grill hotheads
burns brighter than the debate between Mac and PC users. You should
read some of the slop slung on the barbecue message boards. On second
thought, don't. Let me try to sort it out for you with a few
inflammatory thoughts.
", and a couple of chefs from Spain – Ferran Adrià's "El Bulli Volumes 2003-2004", and Joan Roca's "Sous Vide". It sounded like a good idea at the time – assembling courtesy of Amazon.com the modern greats for a holiday feast using the latest sci-fi techniques of sous vide (cooking food in a vacuum packed pouch) – and then having at it. 
What these chefs failed to take into account – and the cause of their ire – was that I now see I don't possess any of the tools required to cook any of their recipes. They want to know why they are in my kitchen. I don't have a Polyscience Minipack-torre Model MVS31 Vacuum Sealer ($2025.00), a 8306C Model Thermal Circulating Bath ($1799.00), or even a functional spatula. I do have, however, from a previously deranged buying spree – 
