Anyone who has known me longer than he’s willing to admit will tell
you that there’s one grim subject that haunts my waking hours, a
capricious and terrible bitch that lurks constantly on the outer ridges
of my consciousness, ready to leap to the fore at the sound of a
sniffle. What provokes such cathexis, you ask? It’s the state of my
perpetually fucked sinus cavities.1 I’ll avoid the details, just know
pollen is my nemesis, Kleenex abound, etc. Electric conversation
really, sure to win many admirers.
The logical response to these histrionics should be, “go see a doctor, son.” But you see, the thing is, I already have an allergist and an ENT and to whatever extent they’ve helped—and they’ve helped a lot—I still don’t breathe right.2 So I started seeing a Chinese physician whose holistic approach relies largely on acupuncture and healthy eating. My allergies, I was told, would be much less of a noticeable intrusion if the following things were cut back on/removed from my diet: red meats, dairy products, wheat, potatoes, sugar, caffeine, everything created for human enjoyment.