As usual, I'm the salmon
swimming upstream as far as weight is concerned. While everyone is vehemently
burning calories and lowering carb intake en route to shedding the weight they
gained over the holidays, I'm nonchalantly trying to make up for what I lost.
Last night, after that apple pie crumble, I lost 8 oz walking back to my car,
just yesterday moments after inhaling a scrumptious dish of fettuccine alfredo
I lost any calories consumed due to waving my arm to catch a cab, and a few
days before that my digestive track tumbled through the french toast crème
brûlée I had for brunch, losing a total pound. These are
all exaggerations of course, but I'm theorizing as to how I could have lost ten
pounds in a week of little exercise and excess eating. Call it a fast
metabolism or a tapeworm, to me fluctuating pounds is as typical as the average
Joe getting indigestion after eating a porterhouse steak. A few bites from that
same steak and I would spend the day indisposed, my insides deconstructing
inside out, eventually leaving me more buoyant than before.
I'm probably the only person at my gym that sullenly shakes his head after
weighing himself to discover yet again, he's lost more weight. I know, I know,
life isn’t fair. People who see me shirtless are shocked to discover that I
actually have muscles underneath my apparel. In fact, most of the girls I've
dated began to show interest after they saw me sporting a short sleeve shirt -
and I don't even have any tattoos on my arms! Girls I date are also aware of the
cracker motto ‘a way to man’s heart is through his stomach’ so it comes as no
surprise my current girlfriend is a Midwestern chefette, known for her
remarkable desert treats all loaded with everything a sugar-seeker needs to
avoid genocide-victim chic. Here is her delightful recipe for chocolate beet
cake that even a man who steers clear of lavish treats couldn't help waking up
in the middle of the night for a piece...or two. So for all you skinny
marinky dinky dink’s – dig in!
Sarah's Chocolate Beet Cake Recipe
1¾ cups flour
1½ cups sugar
1½ teaspoons baking soda
1 teaspoon vanilla
1¼ cups beets, cooked and mashed
1 1/8 cups oil
1/2 cup cocoa
1/2 teaspoon salt
3 eggs, beaten
Combine the dry ingredients. Mix in remaining ingredients until smooth. Bake in a greased 9x13 pan at 350 degrees for 45 to 55 minutes, or until center is firm. Cool completely, then frost.
FROSTING
1/2 cup butter, softened
3/4 cup milk
1½ cup powdered sugar
1 pinch salt
2 drops almond extract
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
3½ tablespoons flour
In a saucepan, mix flour in a little of the milk, until smooth. Add remaining milk. Cook over a slow fire until thick, 2 to 3 minutes, stirring constantly. Stir briskly, this has a tendency to get lumpy. Remove from heat, stir in salt and cool thoroughly in the refrigerator. This needs to be very cold. Beat in the butter until well creamed. Add the vanilla extract, almond extract, and powdered sugar. Beat with electric mixer until thick and creamy. Enjoy!