You Say It's Your Birthday

On Groundhog Day 1972, I think Punxsutawney Phil saw Nixon’s shadow. I know I did. It was the day of the draft lottery, and I didn’t want to win. Not when the prize was Vietnam.

One of my college roommates woke me up by banging a ladle against a frying pan next to my ear.

“Get up”, he said. “You’re number five.”

Number five. I needed comfort food.

A restaurant in town had a special. All The Pancakes You Can Eat For 39 Cents.

Carbo-loading and gluttony suddenly seemed like a good way to try to get the number “5” out of my head.

There were four of us with no car in an off-campus apartment. Next door were two girls with two cars. We asked them out for breakfast. It wasn’t about courtship. It wasn’t about being neighborly. It was about pancakes. And we needed a ride.

Apparently, the girls mistook our agenda for charm. Or we mistook their pity for amusement. Either way, it got us to the restaurant.

The girls ordered coffee. My roommates and I ordered pancakes. They came three to an order, and we each ordered ten times. A total of 120 pancakes.

Six people, two coffees, 120 pancakes, and the bill was $2.30. A fifteen percent tip might get us killed. There I was, looking at the real possibility of being sent to Vietnam, and I was worried about what a waitress might do to me.

Two hours and ten pounds later, I realized my roommate had my birthday wrong. My lottery number wasn’t five, it was 327. But, as it turned out, five would have been just as safe. The draft ended before anyone from that year had to serve. But on that ominous day in 1972, I didn’t know that. All I knew was that pancakes never tasted so good.

Robert Keats was born October 28, 1953.

Robert Keats is a screenwriter and humorist. He is currently developing a television series for Penny Marshall.

Results for Men Facing the Draft in 1973

Lottery Numbers, by Birth Date, for Selective Service
Lottery Held February 2, 1972

This determined the order in which men born in 1953
were called to report for induction into the military

Source: Selective Service System