What exciting news this past week! “The Woolly Rhino – a new species of ancient rhinoceros found in Tibet.” And, it's only 3.7 million years old!
Not that my first thought was how to prepare a Woolly Rhino that has aged for 3½ million years, (obviously one can forego the tenderizer) and if it is that ancient, how long should I cook it. Well, actually it was my first thought, though I hardly think it would be a Paleontologist’s.
Not without guile, I turned to the internet for Woolly Rhino recipes, and – quite naturally since you can find anything on the internet – I found one on CLUTCHFITNESS.COM: where research meets reality! (“a cutting edge power building, body building, fitness and nutrition forum”)
PILOCENE WOOLLY RHINO SOUP
Prep time: 1-2 months
Cook time: 1 month
Ready in: 2-3 months
Ingredients:
1 medium size rhinoceros (One must be cautious. It is likely the Woolly Rhino may be a bit larger. I would suggest perhaps doubling the other ingredients)
3 rabbits (optional)
Salt and pepper to taste
(Personally I would also add a case or two of sherry)
Directions:
1. Obtain a medium sized rhinoceros from your local safari
2. Cut rhinoceros into tiny pieces. This typically takes 1-2 months.
3. Locate an 8000 quart stockpot
4. Along with the 3 rabbits and rhinoceros bits (DON’T FORGET THE SHERRY) add 4000 quarts of water to the pot and cook (covered I presume) over a bonfire for 4 weeks (856 degrees)
5. Add salt and pepper to taste
Nutritional information:
Calories 27,954
Total grams: 500 lbs
Cholesterol: 6000kg
Serving size 3000 persons
DISCLAIMER: A personal note, I have not attempted this recipe. Firstly, I can not attest to the amounts and feel one needs to test this recipe before preparing it for 3000 people, and secondly not knowing the real flavor of a Coelodonta Thibetana, I have to think it would be somewhat similar to the taste of a woolly mammoth, saber-tooth cat or other Tibetan beasts on ice.
See Source: Science Magazine
Nancy Ellison, award winning photojournalist and celebrity portraitist, has authored fourteen books of photographs, including "Romeo and Juliet: The Love Story in Dance" and "Starlet". Her latest book, "Wagner's Eternal Ring" was published in September 2010 by Rizzoli.