Bound By Love and Honor. And Mayo.

by Matt Armendariz
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broccoli-crunch.jpgI live my life according to these Four Culinary Truths:

1.  Nothing is better than food shared with friends.
2.  Know where your food comes from.
3.  Slow down, pay attention and enjoy the moment.
4.  Anything Swimming In Mayo Is A Salad. 

While I earnestly try to live by items 1 through 3 I must admit just a little facetiousness with the last little entry. But I do marvel at those bowls of creamy offerings presented from coast to coast. You know what I’m talking about: Potato Salad (bound in mayo), Salad Olivier (bound in mayo), Lobster Salad (bound in mayo), I could go on. No, really, I could go on. Because I just happen to love things held together with mayonnaise. Probably a bit too much. And therein lies a problem: I live inside a constant battlezone where salads swimming in mayonnaise call my name every single second of the day. Even if it’s only in my head.

For the record there is nothing wrong with mayonnaise. There is nothing bad with jars of mayo nor handmade creations. There is pure delight in dipping vegetables in it and adding it to spreads and sandwiches. I will never be a Mayo Hater. I’m more of a Mayo Lover Who Has Learned To Control The Urge To Add It To Everything. And why is this? Because I try to adhere to the belief that I should only consume as many calories as I’m willing to burn on a daily basis or something like it. As 40 approaches this becomes more important to me. But enough about my dietary habits. That’s the stuff of boredom.

Try as I may to limit my mayo intake (Okinomiyaki with generous ribbons of Kewpie Mayonnaise on top doesn’t count because it’s Japanese and self-rationalization is a powerful thing) there are just some things that are unavoidable. Currently it’s my fixation with Broccoli Crunch Salad. I have no idea where this salad comes from but the combination of raw broccoli with the sweet bites of raisins and the crunch of nuts makes me so very happy. Oh, and did I mention it’s got mayonnaise all over it? Hellz to the yea.

It’s a very simple salad to make as nothing is cooked. One could argue that bacon is essential to a Broccoli Crunch Salad but it goes against being a very quick salad as you’ll have to fry some up. I don’t believe in cooking bacon to just add it to a salad, no way. It’s too much trouble for me. Is that heresy in this porcine-obsessed country? Probably. But I honestly don’t miss it in this version of Broccoli Crunch Salad. Made with Mayo. Made with Mayo. Made with Mayo.

God I just love typing that.

Broccoli Crunch Salad
You’ll find versions of this salad all over the interwebs. This recipe was adapted from Some ask for a quick blanching of the broccoli, others cook it until it’s mush. Why bother? I don’t mind raw broccoli but some of you will surely scoff. Go ahead. I’m used to it. And please note that these measurements here are only guides and a salad like this is adaptable. Add more of something if you like.

4 cups of broccoli flowerettes, chopped
2 green onions, diced with both white and green
1/2 cup chopped red onion
2 handfuls of golden raisins
2 handfuls of sunflower seeds
1 handful of walnuts

1 cup of Mayonnaise
1/4 cup honey
4 tablespoons of cider vinegar

Mix the dressing ingredients. Toss over the salad ingredients and chill. You can use less dressing if you’d like, it doesn’t have to be completely coated.


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